Beyond the canvas
As an artist, I constantly question myself why I paint what I paint. Even if I initially choose a subject for its visual appeal, I want to find a deeper reason why it resonates with me. Understanding the meaning behind my subject matter is essential - each object, composition, and color choice becomes a reflection of my inner world. What may seem accidental is, in fact, carefully considered. The personal relevance allows me to fully connect with my paintings.
Art, for me, is also form of self-therapy. The process of selecting a painting subject helps me connect with the deeper layers of myself. When I ask what draws me to certain objects or scenes, the answer often reveals insight into my state of mind or my relationship to the world around me. It is process of questioning and discovery - a journey of self exploration.
Since becoming an artist, I’ve realized that art has allowed me to grow as an individual. Painting is so much more than just creating something beautiful. It’s about finding meaning, making the work personally relevant, and hopefully this allows my work to resonate with others on a deeper level.
“Lost Wish”, 12x12” oil on panel
Some years ago, I painted this piece as part of my "First Friends" series, which portrayed my children’s favorite stuffed animals. This particular painting depicts the stuffed bunny I received from the grandparents when we announced my third pregnancy. Sadly, this baby was stillborn* at five months. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and my husband.
The painting, titled "Lost Wish", is a tribute to the daughter we lost. To symbolize joy turning into sadness, I used colors that gradually fade into black and white. The red and yellow represent love, joy, and happiness, while pink signifies the gender. The swirling patterns reflect the intense emotions this pregnancy brought me through.
The title "Lost Wish" was partly inspired by the song "The Place Where Lost Things Go"—a beautiful, poignant reminder of what remains close to our hearts even when it's no longer with us.
*Stillbirth is loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy. It affects about 1 in 160 births, and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States according to the CDC.
How I prepare my panels
In some of my trompe l’oeil paintings the sides of the panel are part of the painting. Here is an example:
When I incorporate the sides of the panel as part of the painting, it requires preparation. The panels I like to use are either Ampersand Gessobord (museum series) or Ampersand Hardbord (museum series) panels. While the cradled “Gessobord” is factory primed, it lacks priming on its sides and the cradled “Hardbord” is unprimed altogether. Whether you prime the panel face, just the sides or both, it remains the same process.
Items I use:
Panel
Liquitex Professional Gesso (white)
Paintbrush
Scott paper towels
Sandpaper (grit 220, 320, 400)
Sandpaper holder
My process:
Step 1: I apply the gesso in a thin layer with a large flat brush finishing with brushstrokes in one direction. Let it dry.
Step 2: I apply another thin layer of gesso using the opposite directional brushstrokes. Let it dry.
Step 3: keep repeating the above process until there’s good coverage. Let it dry between layers.
Step 4: sand it using 220 grit sandpaper. Depending on how smooth I want my surface, I sometimes additionally gently sand my surface with 320 or 400 grit sandpaper too. The higher the grit number the smoother the surface will be. I like my surface fairly smooth but not completely smooth. Some of the brushstrokes will still be visible. Sanding has to be done carefully especially around the edges. If too much gesso is sanded off the panel, the wood gets exposed and more gesso has to be added.
Step 5: When done sanding I clean off all the dust.
Summer, Lemon, Lemonade
About a year ago I painted a still life of making lemonade. I set up my objects to create a narrative. The obvious meaning is the gradual change, transformation as the lemons, first full, then cut in half, then squeezed, and lastly mixed with water and honey become something different. This painting was inspired by this lovely homemade drink of my childhood and my own children slowly growing up, changing and becoming more and more independent. In this painting the 3 lemons represent my 3 children. First, there is the knife which in my interpretation symbolizes the cutting of the umbilical cord. It is the first separation of mother and child, that will gradually grow and becomes complete when the kids are leaving the “nest” and become independent. My oldest child is turning 17 this year and the thought of him leaving is already filling me with anxiety. Painting about this subject definitely helps me process the feeling. Would you have guessed any of the above just by looking at the painting?
Daffodils
The Revenant, oil on 12” tondo, 2023 (SOLD)
I love painting flowers. I especially love daffodils. These perennials start to pop up everywhere in February signaling that the end of winter is coming soon. They are like stars descended from the sky, shining bright yellow or white in the dead winter scape. They are metaphors of rebirth and hope. I promised myself to paint at least one daffodil painting every year.
This painting is the start of a new series of alla prima flower paintings. Life can change in a heartbeat. Flowers are delicate just like life. They change so fast and painting them in one sitting makes sense as they won’t look the same the next day.