Beyond the canvas
As an artist, I constantly question myself why I paint what I paint. Even if I initially choose a subject for its visual appeal, I want to find a deeper reason why it resonates with me. Understanding the meaning behind my subject matter is essential - each object, composition, and color choice becomes a reflection of my inner world. What may seem accidental is, in fact, carefully considered. The personal relevance allows me to fully connect with my paintings.
Art, for me, is also form of self-therapy. The process of selecting a painting subject helps me connect with the deeper layers of myself. When I ask what draws me to certain objects or scenes, the answer often reveals insight into my state of mind or my relationship to the world around me. It is process of questioning and discovery - a journey of self exploration.
Since becoming an artist, I’ve realized that art has allowed me to grow as an individual. Painting is so much more than just creating something beautiful. It’s about finding meaning, making the work personally relevant, and hopefully this allows my work to resonate with others on a deeper level.
“Lost Wish”, 12x12” oil on panel
Some years ago, I painted this piece as part of my "First Friends" series, which portrayed my children’s favorite stuffed animals. This particular painting depicts the stuffed bunny I received from the grandparents when we announced my third pregnancy. Sadly, this baby was stillborn* at five months. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and my husband.
The painting, titled "Lost Wish", is a tribute to the daughter we lost. To symbolize joy turning into sadness, I used colors that gradually fade into black and white. The red and yellow represent love, joy, and happiness, while pink signifies the gender. The swirling patterns reflect the intense emotions this pregnancy brought me through.
The title "Lost Wish" was partly inspired by the song "The Place Where Lost Things Go"—a beautiful, poignant reminder of what remains close to our hearts even when it's no longer with us.
*Stillbirth is loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy. It affects about 1 in 160 births, and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States according to the CDC.